


But baby, I just need one good one to stay

by DestielIsFuckinReal



Series: Season 15 codas [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Gen, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 17:20:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21201281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielIsFuckinReal/pseuds/DestielIsFuckinReal
Summary: Oh my God, I didn't mean for it to be this long but hhh well, here we are





	But baby, I just need one good one to stay

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my God, I didn't mean for it to be this long but hhh well, here we are

«You used to trust me,» Castiel says, «give me the benefit of the doubt, now you can barely look at me» as of spite, Dean looks up at him, «My powers are failing, I tried to talk to you, over and over,» Dean rolls his eyes, but Castiel goes on, «and you just don't wanna hear it, you don't care. I'm... dead to you. You still blame me for Mary. Well, I don't think there's anything left to say»

Castiel walks to the stairs, but stops at Dean's voice.

«Where are you going?»

Castiel exhales, «Jack's dead. Chuck's gone. You and Sam have each other» he turns around to look at Dean one last time, «I think it's time for me to move on»

He ascends the stairs, opens the door, closes it. Dean doesn't stop him.

\---

An hour later, Sam joins Dean in the war room.

«Where's Cas?» he asks looking around.

Dean drowns the last of his whiskey, «He left»

Sam stares at his brother, about to ask where to, then he moves his eyes to the empty bottles of jack on the map table, two, plus another one halfway through. It doesn't take a genius to guess what happened.

«What did you do?» he asks without preamble, arms crossed over his chest.

Dean glares at him, «The fuck's that supposed to mean?»

«You fought, didn't you? You're like this only when you and Cas fight»

Dean stands up to fully face his brother, «So you're saying this is my fault now? It's my fault mom's dead? Rowena?»

«Rowena said there wasn't a 100% chance it could work, what we did was her plan b» Sam explodes, «And you know full well Jack wasn't himself when he killed mom»

«And Cas knew it and he didn't do anything!»

They stare at each other with fury in their eyes, ready to jump at each other's throat, but it's been a long day and Sam doesn't have the heart to argue with Dean, not now anyway. So he raises his hands and says, «You know what, whatever, you do you, I'm tired, but just so you know, I hope you didn't screw up the longest friendship we've had since Bobby and the best thing that could ever happen to us» and with that he walks back to his room.

Sam closes the door and flops on his bed. He's tired, tired of this life, of them keeping secrets from each other that eventually blow up in their faces, of them not _talking_. And now they lost Rowena and most likely Cas. He closes his eyes.

_Hey Cas_, he prays, _I haven't done this in a very long time and I don't even know if you can hear prayers anymore but... Look, I don't know what Dean did but it must be pretty bad if it made you leave and he probably didn't mean it, these past hours have been a toll on all of us and-_

He's interrupted by his phone ringing. Sam grabs it and sees the ID caller.

«Hey, Cas»

There's wind in the background, as if Castiel is driving with his windows down. «Hello, Sam» he says after a moment, «I heard your prayer»

Sam sits up, «You did?»

«Sam, I...» sound of tires on the gravel and the engine being turned off, «I don't think I'll come back this time»

«What? Why?»

Silence. Then, «My grace is failing me, I lost Jack and had to see him being used by a demon, and Belphegor, a Prince of Hell, no less, your brother still blames me for your mother's death and no one would listen to me»

«Cas...»

But Castiel goes on, like he didn't hear him, his voice wavering, «And to top it all, I had to burn my son's body to the bone»

«I'm sorry, Cas» Sam tries.

«Dont, Sam, just... don't»

Silence again. Sam tries once more, «Cas, we're family-»

«Most of the times it doesn't feel like it» he hangs up.

\---

Castiel drives until there's fuel in his truck, eventually ending up in the small city of Council Grove. It's quaint and simple, a dot on the map of the United States, if not Kansas itself, one may say. Castiel gets out of the car and breathes in the fresh autumn air, his eyes closed and face towards the sun. 

«I'm sorry, sir, can I help you?» someone asks to his side. When Castiel looks down, he sees a woman in her 80s.

«I'm sorry, ma'am, but-»

«Oh, but I know you» she smiles, «I'd recognize those eyes everywhere. Remember me? You saved my family during the war, I was barely 13 at the time, and you were so beautiful»

«Rhonda?» Castiel says after some moments, finally dawning on him.

«Hello, Castiel»

\---

He ends up drinking tea at Rhonda's house, not too far from where he parked the truck. He learns that she got married at 18 to a veteran not too old than herself and moved in the US not long after. They had two kids. She always told them about the angel who saved her back in England.

«What about you?» she asks then, «What have you been up to?»

Castiel chuckles, «Where do I even start?»

«Well, like the King said to the White Rabbit, begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end, then stop»

Castiel thinks to tell her everything, from saving Dean all those years ago to the dam finally breaking and him walking away. Tell her about the monsters and witches and everything in between, how he loved and lost all he could ever have imagined and more. He settles for, «I met some people, friends, or I thought they were... I've been with them for 11 years, then something bad happened, and one of them still blames me for it to the point he can't even look at me in the eye»

Rhonda puts one hand on his arm, «Oh, Castiel» then she perks up, «why don't you stay here for a while?»

«Rhonda, I can't...»

She waves one hand at him, «Nonsense, you can take Johnny's room»

«I... Thank you» Castiel says, smiling for the first time in days.

\---

Days pass, and eventually they become weeks, then months. Castiel helps Rhonda in whatever chore there is, even though she says he doesn't have to. When he's not helping Rhonda, Castiel keeps an eye out for the supernatural in Council Grove and nearby little towns, especially the ghosts Chuck unleashed, and takes care of them. One day, he's not so fast at checking the news because one moment he's laughing at something Rhonda's daughter Sarah said, and the next he's approached by someone he knows all too well.

«Cas?» Dean says as he walks closer.

«Hello, Dean» he greets, «Sam»

There's a moment of silence between them. Castiel doesn't know what to say, doesn't want to say anything because, for once, he's not the one who should apologize.

«Uh awkward» Sarah says to his side, «seems like you have a lot to discuss, so I'll just bring these to mom» she adds, taking the shopping bags from Castiel's arms, «see you later, Cas»

Sam must have picked up on the tension because he offers to help Sarah with the groceries, leaving Dean and Castiel alone.

«Looks like you moved on pretty quickly» Dean says in the silence that follows.

Castiel crosses his arms, «What are you doing here?»

«A case, everything hints at a ghoul»

Another pause.

«Look, Cas» Dean sighs, «I'm sorry for what I said, I was an ass, I know, but I was so angry, at Chuck, at myself, at Belphegor wearing Jack to prom, I lashed out like I always do, blocking you out, not hearing to your problems because I was hurting and I wasn't thinking _you_ were too» he takes a deep breath, «I didn't mean to, believe me when I say I wanted to call you the moment you walked out that door, but I was too afraid to even _pray_ to you» he takes a step closer and Castiel takes one back on instinct, «These past three months have been hell for me, I miss you, buddy, I miss you by my side, miss your scowl every time I do some dumb shit»

«Dean...»

«No, let me finish» he says, «you said I used to trust you, thing is, I still do, I trust you with my life, with _Sam's_ life» Dean stops, pinches the bridge of his nose, «I guess I pushed you away because of these... Feelings I have, I'm not sure of them anymore, for all I know they can be Chuck's doing»

«You have feelings for me?»

«Oh, come on, like you haven't picked up on that»

Truth be told, Castiel did pick up on that, Dean's soul shines with so much love, for his family, his friends, it's impossible to look away.

«Dean, I-» Castiel starts.

«I'll get out of your hair» Dean interrupts him, «the case is yours if you want, I'll ask Sam to send you the infos we found and go back home, so you won't see my face again» he starts to walk away, taking the phone from his pocket to most likely inform Sam, but Castiel stops him.

«Dean, stop» when Dean turns around, he continues, «I'm not saying that I forgive you, I just... I need time, to process everything»

«That's all I ask»

Castiel nods, once, looking down at his booths. He can still feel Dean's soul with the little grace he has left, and it's pulsing. Hope, Castiel would say.

«Finish the case» he adds, «it would be stupid for you to give it to me at this point in the investigation»

«Oh, you know me, Cas» Dean winks, «I'm nothing but stupid»

Castiel tries not to smile but fails.

\---

That evening, he and Rhonda are watching some reality show she loves so much. During the commercial break, Rhonda says, casually, «That man who helped Sarah with the groceries, he said he knew you»

Castiel presses his lips together, but says nothing. Rhonda goes on, «Should I take Eric's gun? I should still have it somewhere»

Now, Castiel laughs. Rhonda always knows how to cheer him up.

«No, it's... It's ok» he says, «that was Sam, he's one of the people I've told you about»

Rhonda nods slowly, «So I guess the other man Sarah told me about was Dean»

«Yes»

«Should I get the gun?» she repeats.

Castiel puts one hand on her shoulder, «Rhonda, it's not necessary, we talked, he said he's sorry, but...» he shakes his head.

«Honey, talk to me»

Castiel sighs, looks up at the ceiling. «I don't know, ok? I want to believe him, but every time I do, something happens and we're back on square one. Angels can see the soul of a person and when he talked to me, it was... Its light was dimmer than usual, like he was afraid or sad, but when I said that I would think about it, it shone of hope»

They stay silent for a moment, then Rhonda says, «What did Sam's soul look like?»

Castiel shrugs, «Relieved, happy»

«That they found you» Rhonda finishes, «What does _my_ soul look like?»

Castiel stares at her, her soul pulsing reds and oranges, «You're worried»

She nods, «I don't really know what happened between you three, but if it was so bad that it made you come here of all places, I think you should really consider your next move»

When she goes to bed, an hour or so later, she pats his arm, «Think about what we've talked about»

\---

Castiel doesn't need sleep, so he spends the night thinking about what Dean said and what Rhonda said. He thinks of the last decade, how he gave up his family and home only to find one on Earth with two of the most stubborn humans he could ever meet. Of the nights spent researching in the library with Sam, movie nights with Dean, or simply nights where all three of them would enjoy each other's company. Of losses and challenges, when everything was thrown at them but they came out stronger than ever, even if frayed at the edges.

One week later, he's on his way back home.

\---

The clang of the door echoes in the war room and Sam raises his eyes from his laptop in time to see Castiel descend the stairs.

«Cas!» he says, delighted. He walks closer and envelops the angel in a hug, «I thought we'd never see you again»

«Yeah, well» Castiel says, meeting Dean's eyes when he joins them, «something changed»

Dean comes closer, mouth agape, as if he doesn't believe what he's seeing. He all but whispers a "Cas" before hugging the angel too. This one, it lasts longer.

«It's good to have you back, buddy» Dean says when they part.

Castiel smiles at the brothers, his gaze stopping on Dean. «You're not alone» he says, hooking his pinky with the eldest Winchester's. He seems to understand, because his smile is brighter than his soul. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading
> 
> The title comes from _ Million reasons _ by Lady Gaga


End file.
